By Barbara Daniels, Min yr Afon, New Market St, Usk, Gwent NP5 1AT

Scientific SpecticlesWith every cup of tea I’ve drunk
I’ve always sough the perfect dunk,
how long the biscuit takes to get
the optimum degree of wet.

And now he’s found it; 3.5
seconds on average, so I’ve
retested his experiments,
(with vital facts it makes good sense
to check them out). A ginger nut
is quickest, held obliquely, but
remember, the imprinted side
must be held downwards in a wide,
hot, full, cuppa, while a Hobnob
will do a simply scrumptious job
within four seconds. Watch te clock:
with scientific care – that choc
digestive can take double time,
though the results are quite sublime:
so gooey, chewy, crunchy still,
provided that it’s swivelled till
the dry half provides firm support.
And if you practise what you’ve taught,
you will avoid that dire mishap
when soggy crumbs land in your lap.
With stop-watch, X-ray, microscope,
that physicist brings us new hope.

No need to find your biscuit’s shrunk,
when a great chunk of it has sunk:
boffins have proved – so don’t debunk –
the true, Platonic, ideal dunk.

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